" 'I need someone who will [always] be there for me. Who will stand by and not judge me and allow me to be myself. If I need help, they'll give it, if not they will simply exist supportively. There will be no criticism of who/what I am, but a loving acceptance and understanding.' "
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...at one point while I was living in Maryland I became very, nay EXTREMELY, body conscious. And while I didn't really gain a lot of weight where it went and how I looked bothered me. It didn't help that Donovan picked on me about it and it finally got to the point where I decided to give some diet pills a chance. Just to get off the "excess" and then stop.
Little did I know how they worked or what they'd do to me.
Long story short - they increased my heart rate to quite honestly a very dangerous level (my normal resting heart rate = ~ 60 to 62) it was upwards of 184. Needless to say it messed with my breathing due to my short, shallow breaths I started almost panting. Such an ??? severely reduced the quality (and amount) of oxygen I was getting.
We were downstairs on the couch for whatever reason (sex oriented) he was "mad" at me. I started to get upset because I had done all to please him and for some other stupid reason all this fueled a panic attack which honestly came on in a "slow" fashion but also wouldn't let up.
It got to the point where I had to go to the ER.
I got so scared that with my breathing being so messed up I would lie down in bed and stop breathing and no one would know.
P.S. When you can't breathe, lying down makes it worse!!! And part of the reason I didn't want you to leave was for the same reason I was afraid originally and you "leaving me" made it that much worse.
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